. . . I Believe That One and One Make Two.
Yes, another song reference! This time it's Alanis Morisette's song Not the Doctor, and it's a very good song to base a post on because the main point of the song is that you can't fix someone else, nor can you depend on them to fix you. If something is broken in you, then it will be broken even if you start dating someone, and it will be broken even after they leave if that's how it pans out.
And it's just a really bad way to start a relationship to put someone in a position to have to make up for the things you feel are missing in your life. The point of a relationship is to make two people stronger than they were apart by joining together to form a team. You can certainly help each other to achieve goals, find emotional intimacy, and just in general have each other's backs as it were, but it's unreasonable to expect someone to do for you something that you cannot or will not do for yourself.
Bad reasons to start a relationship with someone:
1. I feel like this person completes me.
Nothing good can come out of that line of thinking. It speaks more to obsession than it does a healthy relationship with another person. If you don't feel like a complete person already then that's something you really need to work on approaching yourself before you involve anyone else in the equation of your life. However, it's a good sign if you can instead say "I feel like this person compliments me."
2. I don't feel right without this person near me.
Once again, even though it makes a good line in a sappy love song, if you can't stand on your own two feet and feel good about your own life sans another person then that is a red flag. You have to be able to live not necessarily by yourself but with yourself. We are social creatures as I've mentioned before, and we do need social interaction to be healthy, but for example, someone else's respect for you should never be a replacement for your own respect for yourself. And likewise, someone's else's love for you should not be a bandage you place on your heart where your love for yourself should be. It is, however, okay to admit, "I miss you when you're gone." Missing people in your life when they're gone is a natural part of loving them, but it won't break you as a person to not have them with you.
3. I can't imagine my life without you.
I've found myself saying this before on many occasions, and it is a frightening place to be. There's a fine line between attachment and complete obsession, and I think that when you get to a point where your entire life revolves around someone else in this fashion, it is a rather unhealthy place. I'm not saying that in an established long-term relationship you should keep one foot out of the door and keep in your mind the idea that life could be different without that person because that's a dysfunctional tendency swinging in the other direction, but I think it's good to realize that life is ever changing, and you can't count on things to always stay the same. One day you may lose your partner, and there has to be life after that, just as there was before you met them. I think in this case the healthy view would be, "I love my life with you, and I will do my best to appreciate all the things that being with you brings me."
In conclusion, as Alanis Morisette says, "I don't wanna be the filler if the void is solely yours." If you are looking at someone else and see that perhaps they are clinging to you in search of the meaning they can't provide themselves in their own life, then it's best not to get involved. The same goes for you. Don't give up on your own quest if it still remains unfinished! But there are always grey areas and partial completions I suppose, and in the end, only you can decide if you are ready to be with someone else.
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