The "It" List

So the "It" list is basically an ever evolving log of qualities and factors you want from an eventual relationship.

I've made several of these throughout the years, and I think in a lot of ways, putting into words what it is exactly that you want from a relationship when you find one is very useful

On a practical level, chronicling the process of self discovery in love and romance helps you discover what is important to you. Through trial and error and finding out what you don't want from a relationship, you figure out exactly what it is that you do want.

On a cosmic level, when you realize and decide what you want, you send out vibes that bring those things to you. Some call it prayer, others "The Secret" or law of attraction, but we can engage in this without consciously intending to because it is a natural part of who we are as people. The conscious action of it, however, is much more powerful than the unconscious.

I recently found my most up to date version of my list and decided to share it in hopes that it might be a good example to follow for those of you out there who have not yet found the partner who suits you. Mine exists in two parts, Things I Want From a Relationship, which are concepts with dictionary definitions (I found the definitions helped me to focus on exactly what the word meant by giving it a concrete meaning) and Things I Want the Person I am Dating to Do. 

Things I Want From a Relationship:

Adventure: An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous experience or activity; an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks

Eroticism: Sexual desire or excitement


Excitement: A feeling of great enthusiasm and eagerness

Honesty: Truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness; freedom from deceit or fraud

Love: A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person

Respect: A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements; Willingness to show consideration or appreciation

Passion: Boundless enthusiasm; Showing or expressing strong emotion

Romance: A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love; A strong attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something.

Security: The state of being free from danger or threat.

Stability: Constancy of character or purpose; steadfastness; reliability; dependability

Support: To keep from weakening or failing; strengthen; To aid the cause, policy, or interests of; to give aid or courage to


I Want the Person I Am Dating To:
Be proud to be with me
Appreciate the things that I do, both big and small
Be honest with me always
Want me
Love and accept me for who I am
Enhance my life
Expose me to new things
Feel free to express themselves 

Consider my feelings

Share mutual interests but also have differing ones of his own 

Be able to talk about small issues before they become big issues

I have gotten all of these things and more, so it does work, you just have to be open to the process and willing to work towards your desires.

Twin Flames: The Ultimate Discovery of Self

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same" - Emily Bronte

"The supreme state of human love is. . . the unity of one soul in two bodies." - Sri Aurobindo

"Whatever the days may bring that love for you is, to me, a guiding light, and even in the darkest of times, it will never fade from my sight." - Andy Culpepper

"In time none will be able to stand in the presence of our light and remain skeptical to what lies beyond the edge of what we see with physical eyes and touch with physical hands." - Heather Kenniz

Forget what you think you know and remember what you truly know to be real. We are all luminous beings in a state of sleep, caterpillars in cocoons waiting for the right moment to burst forth with wings of all colors, shapes and sizes. See with the new eyes of a child who has not forgotten the truth. Bring yourself back to that moment in time when you believed all dreams were reality, and you will be free.

"Hold your breath, make a wish, count to three." - Gene Wilder

Truth is the Irresistible Force

They stood face to face, two foes staring each other down with absolute determination.

One of them was the irresistible force and the other the immovable object.

The immovable object beckoned her with a single taunting finger, first pointing at her, naming her his adversary, then with challenge flashing in his cold eyes, crooking it towards himself slowly.

Game on.

She charged him, fire in her eyes, and he deflected her easily with one hand, sending her flying backwards to the ground.

Even truth falters at times when faced with such solidly rooted lies, especially when wielded in an unfocused manner.

She picked herself up off the ground, shaking her head, realization dawning on her. Gathering all her strength around her, calling her true power to her, she rose to her feet.

He smiled coldly, daring her to try again.

She smiled back, ruthless determination flooding her eyes.

With one last call to the sky, she rushed him, barreling through to the other side of lies, bursting the immovable object and shattering him into a million pieces before the witness of sun and stars and all of humanity.

And truth rained down on all of us like mana.

The Lesson of the Little Fox

"Please - tame me!" he said.

"I want to very much," the little Prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox.

This is a scene from my favorite children's book of all time, The Little Prince (or Le Petit Prince in its original French) written by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

The story of the Prince and the little fox is the story of love. It is at once both a cautionary tale and a celebration of what it means to truly connect with and understand someone in such a deep way that you are changed forever for having known them. 

The Prince, in his travels, stumbles upon a little fox, and the fox beckons the prince to tame him, but the Prince does not understand what "tame" means.

"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."

When the Prince questions further, the little fox goes on to explain:

"To me, you are still nothing more than than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other little foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world. . . if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat. . ."

So the Prince tames the fox under his direction, spending the time to make the little wild fox used to him, waiting to see him before he comes at the same time everyday. But eventually, as the Prince is a traveler, he must leave in search of new friends and adventures, and upon telling the fox of his departure, he becomes very sad.

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little Prince, "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you. . . "

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little Prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then is has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields."

He then offers him a secret upon their last meeting:

". . . It is only with the heart that one can see rightly: what is essential is invisible to the eye. . . Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."

In understanding all of this, we must remember to be careful with each other, to cherish, to leave those we've loved better than we found them because, in a way, we are responsible for them forever. 

Keeping an Open Heart

"The moment I let go of it was the moment I got more than I could handle. The moment I jumped off of it was the moment I touched down. . ."

There's a lot of complicated interwoven thoughts on my mind today, but I think it all revolves around the idea of keeping an open heart. As soon as you do that, all the possibilities of the universe open up to you.

When you heart is open, not only can you really love yourself, but you can see the truth. Everything begins to make more sense, and the tangled web of connection that exists in the universe becomes something that you can follow.

However, when you close yourself off and self sabotage, you tend to miss what is right in front of your face. It's not always better to keep yourself away from the possibilities of life. Sometimes it seems safer, and sometimes it even seems healthier, but it's just hiding in the end.

I have to give some credit to a friend of mine now who tried to express this to me in his own way, but I didn't really understand it at the time. I won't say that I was wrong, but you had a valid point too, and we were just in different places on this particular subject. Sometimes hiding is the best you can do, and I suppose sometimes it feels necessary, but it does limit your ability to really embrace your life.

There's a quote from the song Ever Ever After by Carrie Underwood that I'll leave this blog on

"Start a new fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve. 

Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe. 

Unafraid, unashamed, 

There is joy to be claimed in this world."

Loving With an Open Palm Rather than a Tight Fist

The lesson of the butterfly in your palm is an extremely important one, I think, in terms of how you choose to love others. 

While you may want it to stay, you have to understand that it is always a free creature. It may fly away, but if you've appreciated it for what it is, you'll have the experience of having known it. Trying to wrap your fist around it will only crush it, and then you'll have nothing to keep.

Loving people is this way too. We're all free creatures, and it's important to realize that all the things you love about someone initially are probably things that could be harmed if you tried to own that person and keep them all to yourself. Pinning your butterfly to the wall is not a good way to love, either.

It's also an issue of feeling safe with someone. When you land on someone's palm, you have to trust that they won't crush you in order to truly be able to love them yourself.

Lastly, as hard as it may be, you have to know when to let someone go. Perhaps they will come back to you, and maybe they won't, but nothing can take away what you've shared with them and all the ways that they've changed you, hopefully for the better. 

In the words of a friend of mine, "People who are truly independent can build one another up without sacrificing themselves."

Whether we cocoon together or are simply passing each other in the night on the way to our next great adventure, we should always remember to cherish and care for each other. Leave others better than you found them, and don't let anyone take from you that light that is essentially yours.

Scott Earned the Power of Self Respect!

You know you're ready for a relationship when. . . 

image from Scott Pilgrim Wiki

. . . you've earned the power of self respect!

So here we have another Scott Pilgrim vs. The World themed blog post, but this time I want to focus on the hero, Scott. In the final battle scene, he initially earns the power of love when he claims that he is fighting for Ramona. But then, he levels up, as seen in the picture above, when he tells Gideon that he is fighting for himself. It is at this point that he proves himself truly worthy of Ramona's love.

Well ladies and gentleman, I have finally found the answer for how to tell if you are ready to be in a relationship. 

First and foremost, it takes being able to honestly say to yourself that you believe you are worthy of another person's love. This can only stem from truly respecting yourself.

But you know what I've found? A funny thing happens when you can look at yourself in the mirror and honestly say these two things:

I am worthy of love.

I respect myself.

You no longer necessarily want to be in a relationship.

Isn't it funny how that works?

It's because a lot of people who really, desperately want to be in a relationship are actually not at all ready to be in one. People use a lot of things to fill the voids inside them, drugs, obsessions, relationships, but the only thing that can truly fill that hole is something you have to discover inside yourself, and the only person who can do that is you.

And sure, other people can help you along the way. There's nothing wrong with leaning on friends and family when you feel sad and sometimes we need encouragement from those around us in order to give us that push to really do what it is that we need to do for ourselves, but you can't rely on another person for the answers to your important questions in life.

Though, sometimes, it will be someone else who makes you realize which questions to ask yourself. ;-)